That bitter, single person stating the obvious downfalls of every marriage and parent I am that person. Well, every day leading up until two weeks ago, I was that person.
When asked how I could not consider parenting and marriage legitimate forms of the human capacity, I would spew numbers: how many luxury weekend getaways, months of rent in a New York loft, and years of Netflix you could exchange for the cost of raising a child. The odds of a marriage lasting throughout a lifetime, the number of ways you could be cheated on, I had these down pat.
About two weeks ago I was working at my retail job and saw a baby so adorable, so aw-worthy, that it reminded me of my youngest sibling in infancy. This was not notable. What I felt, however, was an impulse to reach out and care for the child. Something inexplicable (Trust me. I’ve tried to search… No, it’s not hormonal yet.) overtook me. I instantly wanted to produce a similar being of my own with my significant other, an action that would not only betray my distaste of parenthood, but my numerous “commitment issues”.
This feeling approached me several times throughout the past few weeks, exhibiting no hints of diminishing over time. It is often smacked down by the reality of my finances, the various life-term implications upon myself, the implications upon another… my reality. The realist in me kicks in, kicking out the obtrusive thoughts of a family life.
At age 15, I promised myself that I would put my career, my well-being, my happiness above all others. I would not let others come between the future I had already planned. Unfortunately, a few substitutions along the way have lead to a very altered plan. However, I carry on to attend my dream school for my graduate’s degree. I hope to be a book reviewer, an editor with clout, a published author, and a scholar. And I am a woman.
There is an incorrect train of thought being propagated. It is the one making me question my very ideals when I have a maternal urge. It is this: that a woman with a career does not put her emotional life first, and that a woman focused on being a “homemaker” cannot be the cold-hearted bitch, making it big as a lawyer. It has been so widely mass-produced, that women start being labeled “bitches” instead of being described as “strong willed” along with other qualities.